P.E. Empowerment

One of my highlights this past month has been seeing my daughter make the transition into Kindergarten.  It’s fun seeing her develop more of a world of her own and continue learning and developing.  But one of my highlights has related to her development – but not in the typical kindergarten curriculum.

If you didn’t know my daughter has a mild case of cerebral palsy.  A lot of people wouldn’t know if not for a brace she wears on her right foot and calf.  She’s able to keep up with pretty much everything developmentally, but leg and muscle strength can be an issue and she does a lot of physical therapy to help build up her strength.

In kindergarten, Morgan’s class has P.E. once a week where the kids do some running and other physical activity.  We were curious how this was going to go for her, but we figured she’d be able to do for the most part everything everyone else was doing.I asked her after a couple weeks how P.E. was going and she told me that she didn’t have to run.  Her teacher pulled her out and gave her an option to either walk or take a pass.  At least she walked, but when I asked her why she didn’t run she said, “They didn’t let me.”  Now I don’t believe that to be true, but Morgan’s a rule follower so unless she’s explicitly asked if she can run and given an option to run she at this point will likely believe she’s not allowed to run.

Morgan and I had a series of discussions about this.  I asked her if she thought she could run with everyone.  She said, “Yes.”  Was she afraid to run?  “No.”  Was her leg hurting?  “No.”   So why don’t you run?  “They didn’t give me the choice…”

For the record, I’m glad that her teacher and P.E. teacher are being sensitive to her situation.  What I’ve been working with Morgan on is helping her understand that nobody will know what she is able to do unless she’s determined to show them and make choices based on what she knows she’s capable of.  So I said to her, “If you know you can run, don’t you think you should run with your class?”  She said, “But they didn’t give me the option.”  I said, “Well, you need to tell them what you’re going to do.  They’ll go with what you say.”

Next week, she did.  Although she told the teacher, “My daddy wants me to run”,  she chose to run when given the option not to.   And she did fine.   And you know what – her attitude the rest of the day was quite different too.  She was more empowered and confident in the things she was doing.  This week I asked her if she was running because I wanted to or because she knew she could.  She said, “Because I can” (with a mischievous smile).

I was extremely proud of her because when you have a disability or physical or other limitation, I think it’s easy to take easy outs when people are trying to be sensitive or understanding. This is an area where overly empathetic people can struggle to help others live up to their potential.   I want people to be sensitive, but the takeaway for me here is a reinforcement that empowerment can’t be “given” from on high.  Leaders (or teachers in this case) can create the space for it and encourage it, but people need to step up and assume responsibility for what they can do or not do.  Otherwise, they’ll be waiting a long time to be “empowered.”

I want Morgan to learn this early because of her unique situation.  She’s the best judge of what she can do or not do and she doesn’t need to fear trying or working hard just because it might be harder for her than others.  She needs to learn these things.  But most people do too.   In leadership development, few are the people who are branching off and going after things that they are passionate about even when the structures are not encouraging it.  We so often are waiting for people to chart a course for us or we’re making decisions based on what someone is explicitly telling to do or not do.  If it’s not explicit, like my daughter on the playground, it’s interpreted as “I’m not allowed.”

But that’s a passive posture.  Leaders aren’t waiting for people to spell out what they can do or not do.  I’m not saying they just do whatever they want.  I’m saying leaders aren’t trapped in psychological passivity or are stuck in paternalistic dynamics where they are dependent on someone in power to dictate what their potential or their limitations are. I see this as being a fairly routine dynamic as it relates to empowering leaders (all the attention usually is given to leaders as to whether they are empowering others,  but are those following as children or following as adults themselves who can make adult choices?)

If you think you can do something,  Go after it!   Take the risks over the easy way out.  Don’t base your potential on someone else.  Leaders might have to break the bad news from time to time that you do have some limitations – but that’s a different situation than us failing to live up to our potential as leaders and adults because we’re waiting for permission.

That’s long enough for today, but if you’ve read this – what thoughts do you have on empowerment and adulthood?  Why do you think so many are waiting for people to “make them” adults rather than becoming adults through their own choices?

There are a lot of people who could have learned something by watching my daughter expand her paradigm of what’s possible for herself.  But I couldn’t be prouder that she’s starting to learn to become who she can be through assuming responsibility for herself and making choices.  She’s five, but she’s begun making some adult choices – choices that many 30 or 40 years older often still struggle to make in their own situations.