This is a follow up post to “Bounty Leadership.”
The theme of that post was that like a high quality paper towel compared to a cheap towel, a leader’s maturity and effectiveness is often reflected in his or her capacity to absorb the emotions and feelings around them without falling apart.
One false assumption about a leader’s fruitfulness and maturity would be that one’s maturity is reflected in the fact that, like an unsoiled paper towel in a spill, they remain “intact emotionally” or they can go about their business like everything is under control.
The problem is that many leaders are like “waterproof paper towels.” After a spill, the towel remains intact and spotless, but the problem is that the spill still exists. Waterproof paper towels don’t do the fundamental job of a paper towel – that is to absorb spills. Similarly, many leaders are in the middle of many human “spills” and often come out “unscathed” and “intact,” but they don’t perform their fundamental leadership task. They don’t clean up any spills.
Leaders who aren’t able to absorb the emotional “spills” or landscape around them are absolutely unable to create safe and trustworthy environments, simply because there is an inability to experience and foster emotional connection. “Waterproof” leaders are unable to engage their people, teams, or communities emotionally and as a result, when the anxiety or stress ramps up, they are unable to be emotionally “present” in a calming and constructive way.
Many a leader comes through a “spill” like a waterproof paper towel. The spill remains, but the towel is preserved. In fact, there is an air of self-preservation about the waterproof paper towel/emotionally detached or disconnected leader. They don’t have access to the emotional climate around them in a way that serves others so they try to get through it as fast as possible with limited cost to themselves. Because a primary goal of the emotionally detached or immature leader is self-protection (consciously or sub-consciously), they just don’t have the kind of security and substance that can take in the emotions or anxiety that is often directed their way. The result is quick fix leadership that addresses symptoms while the real underlying dynamics and core human needs go unaddressed or neglected.
Like a good paper towel, part of a leader’s purpose and function is to absorb the emotional climate and pervading anxiety of the community. They provide hope, assurance, a sense of security, climates of trust, and I say it again – hope, in the face of transition, change, challenge and uncertainty. For a leader to seek after “objectives” and “goals” without the ability to be a constructive emotional participant with the team and/or community that is with them on the journey is to embrace a waterproof paper towel existence. Waterproof paper towels look good, but it doesn’t mean anything because it can’t fulfill it’s purpose.
Fruitful and meaningful leadership embraces the reality that leadership is in many ways all about people – and that means it largely involves taking a comfortable position in the ongoing emotional realities around us. To detach from that may be safer and cleaner, but we would be failing in our duty to honor and serve others.
Servant leadership requires emotional sacrifice and investment and I’ve found that for me the illustration of a paper towel helps me see the way in which I can build my own character and emotional capacity for the sake of creating safe, constructive, honest, and hopeful environments for teams and communities. I don’t always have the capacity to absorb as much as I would like or as is needed, but by the grace of God we can continually grow in our ability to love those we lead by “bearing their burdens” in this manner as ones who have been entrusted with authority.
