Do you have situations and dynamics you encounter over the course of working with people or leading where you just get lost?
When the topic of getting “lost” comes up most people might first think of the television show by the name or even the somewhat recent song by Coldplay with that name. Or you might think of what happens when you drive without GPS. When I’m talking about getting lost I’m referring to situations in which you lose your sense of self.
Many of us can get lost in the midst of relationships and working dynamics. You might be in the midst of leading and working. You dig deep to speak up or speak out and your voice goes silent. Maybe you go into a situation with total clarity, but when people in authority, status or power push back you start to second guess yourself and you grow confused only to regain your clarity the next day.
Many leaders from non-dominant cultural backgrounds have shared how they experience this a lot when relating to the majority culture. Many women I’ve related to and know experience the same things as they seek to assert themselves with those in predominantly male environments and cultures. But it’s not just an experience for those that are typically marginalized. Maybe with your boss or someone of high status or prestige, you had to engage in an adult way, but when the time comes you forfeited yourself and ended up in the place of the child.
Most of us have those dynamics or situations that serve as “Leadership Bermuda Triangles” where we forfeit our voice or lose ourselves. Those who don’t ever experience this are probably either extremely unaware, immense narcissists, or have in their person and position loads of power that always keeps them in a “one-up” position on everyone else. The loss of self could be prompted by fear, anxiety, insecurity, intimidation, or other sources of verbal and emotional paralysis.
The legend and the mystique surrounding the Bermuda Triangle is that when ships and plans go through it, they sometimes don’t come out. They disappear or cease to exist. There are moments in relationships, especially in working relationships, where this same phenomenon takes place. Can you think of a recent example in your life with a boss, authority figure, parent, or spouse? Anytime you relate to someone with a strong personality or powerful presence, you might find it hard to not get lost – even if it’s your husband (or wife). Some are more vulnerable to getting lost than others.
So what do you do to not get lost? There are no easy answers or quick fixes. You have to do the hard work of growing yourself and your awareness and your security. It’s a journey and if you find yourself getting lost frequently, it’s time to take inventory of what’s going on and get some help to chart a plan for growth and maturity in yourself. Don’t get down on yourself if you disappear in a Bermuda Triangle – learn from it and prepare yourself for the next similar moment you find yourself in.
Communities and organizations can’t afford to be having people in critical situations and moments routinely getting lost in their Bermuda triangles. We need to learn to use our voice when it’s needed. We need to learn to help others find their voice so that we can continue to nurture honest and healthy environments and increase the number of adult contributors in our communities and leadership contexts. And this all starts first and foremost with ourselves!
What do you think?
