If you thought I beyond analyzing philosophical statements left on dirty cars you were wrong!
This was just too tempting for me. My family pulled up next to this car today as my wife and I were doing skin cancer checks at the dermatologist. The window graffiti offers the following declaration of empowerment, “I’m not a part of this system!! I’m an Adult!!”
Now I have no context whatsoever to whoever did this. But as a person who spends a lot of time reading systems theory and working out strategies of empowering people towards adulthood, I got my phone out immediately to take a picture.
There’s a great bit of irony here to me though because declarations that distance ourselves from the systems that we are a part of our actually quite non-adult, or childlike. Though I confess the temptation is always there to set ourselves up as outside the “system” since we often want to distance ourselves from any association with those things that violate our values, make us look bad, or generally just suck and cause a lot of pain.
There are no doubt times where one has to make the tough choice of distancing from a system for the sake of survival – which would be quite adult. Many a person has lost their sanity or made themselves a martyr because they lacked the fortitude and self to make adult choices (but usually the system is the only thing that gets the blame).
So what does an adult position look like in an average system?
Well I would argue it lies somewhere between distancing yourself from the system because of anger or fear and on the other hand getting totally immersed and lost in the system where there no longer is an independent sense of self. Walking the tension between being separate but connected. Differentiation. It’s probably important to mention that I’m focusing on the emotional realities of systems. Just because you disagree with everyone or are on the periphery doesn’t mean you aren’t part of the system. If you a part of the community in any way, you’re a part of the system from an emotional/relational standpoint even though you may not be driving the values or culture of the system.
So when things are going bad and not to our liking (yet not yet toxic), it’s adult to stay connected to the system with a focus on taking responsibility for what we have responsibility for. We can’t control everything, but we can focus on our own functioning and responsiveness to what is needed.
What statement of empowerment related to imperfect systems would you make on your dirty car?
