I read The Imposter Syndrome by Dr. Jessamy Hibberd last month and one might wonder why I would read this book within a month of finishing my Ph.D. In short, I have struggled to celebrate and internalize that accomplishment. I probably struggle to internalize all my accomplishments and am not very good at celebrating. So it was a good time to explore some of my post-Ph.D. melancholy and while I don’t think all things impacting me were part of an imposter syndrome, there are some threads that have been worth exploring.
It was helpful to be guided into some categories to reflect more deeply and move towards owning what I’ve done in thankfulness and with a measure of humble confidence. I don’t want to find identity in accomplishments, but minimizing them or dismissing them doesn’t bear a lot of good fruit either. So how do you own your achievements and strengths with confidence and humility without finding your identity in them? That’s one of the questions that has been there for me. In some ways you can find your identity in achievement even if you are minimizing and dismissing the achievements – that’s a dimension of the imposter thing.
But it’s a little bit of a challenge because as you see on the cover the subtext indicates…
“You are not a fraud.”
Some people are.
“You deserve success.”
Some don’t really. Do any of us?
So I wasn’t super excited to take a trip on the entitlement highway, but fortunately, the book as a whole is not that. I don’t totally embrace everything in it, but I did identify with a lot of the imposter syndrome and especially the over-functioning imposter. Hibberd provides multiple “profiles” of imposters. Some I did not relate to in the slightest. But one or two were on the money. The short of it is that there is a self-protection dimension to the dynamic and there are probably both some nature and nurture elements that play into it. He provides a lot of “exercises” or activities to help correct negative or incorrect thinking. The idea is that if you can lay out a case that discredits the lies in your head, then you can rely on the facts and move on. It’s a cognitive-behavioral approach that really stresses that if you change your thoughts you’ll change everything else. I think there’s something to that, but I don’t see that truly sufficient for transformation – at least not in my experience.
This book was useful in describing the phenomenon and unpacking some of the potential sources of belief/lies that might inform imposter syndrome. It explains the phenomena. It provides some surface-level activities that try to shift one’s thinking to some common sense or factual counterstories to get one out of defeatist thinking. Yet I just don’t think there’s a real transformative solution or vision here though it can help in some ways. I think the heart is a more powerful place of change and transformation than the mind.
Imposter syndrome I think is very connected to identity and worth questions and I think there is a big connection with shame and self-protection. Ultimately, the power of positive thinking falls short though I think there is a real need for appropriate self-talk. I often think about the needf or us to think of ourselves with a sober assignment. There’s a sense of humility and integrity being found in not having too high or too low, but true and real.
But, this was helpful, just limited. I was glad I read it at the moment I did and it raised some things to my awareness because it serves as a bit of a diagnostic for what I do tend to think and believe and how I respond to achievement and accomplishment. Achiever is one of my strengthsfinder themes and it’s part of my wiring – yet there needs to be a joy in achieving and reading goals otherwise that achievement is just vain striving.
Once “diagnosing” some of these things and thought patterns, I’ve found some helpful practices that have helped me internalize those accomplishments in helpful ways that aren’t puffing myself up or keeping me paralyzed. There’s a need to own our success, but maintain humility as well. It’s been far easier to celebrate and be thankful and full of gratitude. I’ve come to a better sense of who I really am with more freedom from performance and how achievement can inform identity. Long way to go, but part of the journey this last year or two.
