In order to take in this post, you’ll have to view the following old-school commercial first. It’ll add to the experience 🙂
This picture has become a classic illustration regarding the importance of emotional maturity and leadership. There’s a lot written about “emotional intelligence”, in which there is some overlap with emotional maturity, but I want to draw attention to the way in which emotional maturity bolsters capacity in leadership.
As you can see in the commercial, there are two paper towels that are contrasted against each other in regards to one primary capacity – ability to absorb. A leader’s capacity to absorb is one of the most important components of leadership and often this will dictate the leader’s success – and often much better than other commonly understood success indicators.
So what does a leader need to absorb? Sometimes it is feedback. Sometimes it is the general anxiety that surrounds one role or one’s team. Sometimes it is the emotional up’s and down’s of individuals. Sometimes leaders need to absorb feedback, but almost all the time leaders are having to absorb people’s emotions and feelings. And frankly some people get eaten up by this and they end up looking like the generic paper towel. It gets a little wet and it ends up falling apart and is utterly useless to perform its purpose. Some leaders are like cheap paper towels, they get sprayed on and they disintegrate – their weak internal fabric is exposed.
Like the “bounty” paper towel, a leader who can absorb more can sustain higher effectiveness in executing his or her purpose without falling apart. These leaders are able to absorb the immaturities, anxieties, and frustrations of followers in a way that does not cripple them. Like paper towels, every leader has a limit to how much they can absorb before they start leaking out, but leaders who have the capacity to navigate the emotional terrain of their environments with patience, engagement, and without an unregulated anxiety of their own will have the more fruitful and dynamic working environments. What I’m getting at is what systems’ theorists like Edwin Friedman call high self-differentiation and a calm, non-anxious presence.
A point of clarification – I’m not advocating that leaders just need to “take it.” That’s not true. But leaders do need to be able to listen and take in the emotional landscape around them without losing their own sense of security and direction. The shredded paper towel is the leader who allows themselves to get chewed up by their emotional fields because when the emotional heat is on they lose themselves in it.
As you think about your own character, what kind of paper towel would reflect your capacity to handle the emotional realities that comes with leadership and community life? Can you be a calm and non-anxious presence in the midst of anxious and emotional dynamics? Or do you get shredded when the emotional tide heads your direction?
We all need to aspire to be “quicker picker uppers.”
In a day or two I’ll posting a follow-up entitled “waterproof paper-towels.”
Here’s another commercial that more clearly indicates the disintegration of the weak paper towels:
way to use the commercials bv. i like it.
the word ‘absorb’ is perfect in my opinion. i’ve seen that if i ‘leak’ back into the person that i’m interacting with, the interaction loses power.
in fact it’s what i’ve seen those under my leadership need most from me. it sometimes feels awkward to absorb, because part of me thinks it would be better to leak frustration, anger, or sadness, but there is a direct correlation between how much I absorb and how effective the conversation/discussion/decision making is.